Guardian: inspector, duty-fulfiller

I had this problem last year. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but there was just something off about me. When I was with my friends, I felt different than when I was by myself. My friends loved to go out and have fun and make plans, and I would follow through without really saying anything about it. It’s not that I didn’t want to go, but I felt as if I didn’t have enough motivation, as if I didn’t really feel like it. I tried being more bubbly or more rebellious, but nothing helped. No matter what I did, I just couldn’t be my true self. So, I did what every one does when they think something’s wrong with them: I went to the internet.

I love taking personality quizzes, especially ones that tell you which Disney Princess you are or which fashion icon you’re most like. But none of those could prepare me for what I discovered after taking the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Throughout the past year, well, throughout my life, I had thought that I was an extrovert. I was under the assumption that being around large groups of loud people was where I wanted to be, but looking back on it, I see how uncomfortable it made me. The only reason I was in those crowds is because those were the types of people I hung out with. The test showed me that while I was masquerading as an extrovert in high school, I was really an introvert.

I started talking to my friends about it and I received some shocking feedback. Half of them said that it was awesome for me to be taking time to discover who I am, but the other half told me that I was wrong, that I wasn’t an introvert. When I asked them why, they said it was because I wasn’t quiet, shy, or socially awkward. They told me that you’re an introvert your whole life and that you can’t change your personality with a snap of your fingers. At first, I thought they were right. I thought that this was just me finding some other thing to blame my unhappiness on. But I decided to do some research and that’s what this post is all about. I’m going to debunk some myths of introverts.

Myth #1- Introverts don’t like to talk.

Anyone who knows me definitely knows that I love to talk! However, I’m more about quality than quantity. I would rather sit with someone in silence, taking in our surroundings and just marveling in the fact that we’re getting to spend time together, than having meaningless small-talk. Introverts are good at observing, noticing; we take in things, analyze them, and only speak on it if it’s something we find worthy of discussion. In high school, I was only super close with one, maybe two people, and the rest of our group were just mutual friends that I didn’t have anything in common with. I had a different taste in movies and music, celebrity crushes and hobbies; I couldn’t talk to them about anything. It wasn’t until I started limiting my circle of friend to people who I could have real conversations with that I realized how much easier it is. If you’re surrounded by a bunch of people, it’s hard to be yourself because you feel the need to impress every one, but it’s the group is smaller (less than 5), you don’t feel as much pressure and it’s easier to fall into a rhythm of conversation.

Myth #2- Introverts are shy.

You can be an introvert and still be outgoing. You can be an extrovert and still be shy. I think that was another problem I faced in high school: I could give presentations or add to a discussion in class at the drop of a hat, but people thought something was wrong with me if I ever wanted to just be quiet. I’m not afraid of people, in fact, I kind of like people. I like people who have something to offer, who can teach me things, who are genuine, who give me a reason to talk. And if I’m not talking, it’s most likely that I just don’t feel like talking. That being said, please don’t think I’m rude, because I’m really not, but if I’m not talking, I’m probably not upset or sad. I just don’t feel like being a chatterbox all of the time. That being said, I can also be a little shy upon meeting new people. I do a lot of work with my mom at the American Red Cross headquarters, and that means that I have to meet and remember the names and positions of sometimes 10 people in one encounter.  When I have to make immediate relationships with people, I’m a little bit slow at speaking with them or adding to a conversation unless I’m directly spoken to, but when the group dissolves a little, it becomes easier for me to be open.

Myth #3- Introverts don’t like to go out in public.

Considering the fact that I’m almost always in public during the week, this myth is 100% false! While I’m in public a good portion of the time, I like to spend a lot of that time by myself. I like going shopping by myself, I like going to the gym by myself, and I like going to Mass by myself. But I am a human, and I need interaction with other humans, so I like making lunch and coffee dates with my friends, meeting people at campus events, and seeing movies with my family.

I’m kind of an old cat lady and I’m not even 20. Don’t believe me? About 2 Fridays ago, my brother had a soccer game at his high school. My whole family went to the game, but I stayed home and learned how to crochet. My mom said that I reached a pretty pathetic point in my life. I’m in college; I should be going out every weekend to do hood-rat things with my friends! There are two problems though. First, I don’t really like going to big, noisy, crowded places (did I forget to mention that I’m claustrophobic?) I went to a club for my birthday, and it wasn’t exactly the best night of my life. I don’t need, or want, drunken guys trying to get me to dance with them. Second, I don’t have a whole lot of friends. Not that it’s a bad thing, but I just don’t. Like I said earlier, I like to keep my social circle smaller so that I can develop a real relationship with them. I have about 10 people in my little group of friends that I see/talk to on a daily basis. I’m making more friends in school, and I’ve actually gotten to hang out with them outside of school from time to time, but the perfect weekend for me would be spending a few hours on Saturday with a friend or two and then using Sunday to catch up on homework, TV shows I missed during the week, or a new book. All while curled up in my bed with a mug of hot tea and my cat.

Myth #4- Introverts can fix themselves and become extroverts.

Well hey, that’s exactly what got me into this mess in the first place! Just as a person who is gay cannot change who they are or a person with Autism cannot change who they are, neither can introverts. We are people, our brains just work differently and we have temperaments that we work best in. We shouldn’t have people talk down to us like children or force us to do something that we’re just not comfortable with. I can’t “fix” my introvertness any more than I can “fix” my hypersensitivity or my claustrophobia. All anyone can do is love an introvert for exactly who they are and try their best to understand them.