guARd yOuR heART

There are two phrases that are pounded into the minds of young Catholic men and women:

1)      "Guard your heart"

2)      Emotional chastity

By now, you’re either thinking “how do I get out of another blog about Christian dating?” or “what in tarnation is she talking about?”

First thing’s first, to everyone wanting to leave this post, just hear me out.

To everyone else, let me explain:

The phrase “guard your heart” comes from Proverbs 4:23:

               

“Above all else, guard your heart, for in it are the sources of life.”

Emotional chastity, like physical chastity, means that we don’t move too quickly. Emotional chastity is when we build up this idea of a guy or girl based on our own excitement, or even Facebook stalking. Both can cause harm to our heart.

I learned these terms at pivotal points in my life. When I was a sophomore in high school, I already experienced my fair share of heartache. Guarding my heart seemed like something from a fairy tale; a man would have to slay the dragon and pursue me before I would consider going out with him. Learning about emotional chastity in college made me realize that guarding my heart wasn’t enough. I needed to be hyper-aware of my emotions. Sounds easy enough; see a cute boy, don’t imagine him talking to you thus asking you out thus falling in love thus getting married thus having his babies and growing old together. I didn’t succeed, so I did what any rational 20-year-old woman would do… I kept my heart under security that could rival the Pentagon, CIA, and FBI combined. I wasn’t guarding my heart any more, I was building a fortress. It was built out of concrete, wrapped in chains, locked with padlocks, and kept in a safe with the combination long forgotten. With each heartbreak, I shoved my heart even further into darkness. Soon, it was easy for me to act like I didn’t care about the rejection. I’d be brave in front of my friend, but as soon as I was alone, I would collapse on my bed and cry for hours. I felt as if my heart was too damaged to ever be fixed, let alone wanted by another man. I was worthless.

It has taken me until now, 8 years after first hearing “guard your heart”, to figure out what was wrong.

I was guarding my heart too much. I was keeping myself from being happy and allowing people to get close to me. While it’s important to not get too serious too fast with someone, you must keep your heart open. Only when it our heart is open can we receive joy, love, excitement, and, yes, even sadness.

C.S. Lewis says it perfectly (as always):

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

Guard your heart, but not too much. Be not afraid!